Colloquial English. We take our words
for granted. Seldom do we realise how little value our words really add
to what we wish to say or how funny (and sometimes senseless) we sound while saying
them. My sixth grade teacher would chide me for speaking sentences like "I am -going to go- home now". It is
a lesson I will never forget!
It's time to realise that the English
language has a million words, just waiting to be used in the right context...
What's the good word?
“They were openly flaunting the rules”
The person who said this was clearly showing
off and flouting his vocabulary.
“That’s pretty extreme punishment”
The word "pretty" means
"to some degree or extent" (Merriam-Webster said so). Yet we end up
using “pretty” with superlatives : “pretty awesome” or “pretty extreme”?
Inception
This word is liberally used nowadays to
describe nested loops (like a dream within a dream). The word inception means
“the beginning”. The appropriate word for the phenomenon is “recursion”.
“Sit besides me”
Beside = next to. Besides = Also. As
in “I don’t want to sit beside you. Besides, you’re so fat that there’s no
place...”
“That’s so gay!”
How can my new pink cellphone be “so
gay”? There are lots of more helpful adjectives available to criticise my phone!
And then there was my friend who
attended her friend’s sphincter party
right before her wedding. She meant spinster of course. (I know she will kill
me for putting this up here).
Meaningless fillers:
Basically these are like, obviously, so absolutely out of place, you know.
We use them too often. Use them only
when you mean them!
Redundant Rants:
“…at 12 midnight”
Oh good that you mentioned... I thought you meant 3 midnight...
“Let me summarise in brief”
Please don’t.
“In my personal opinion…”
Who else’s opinion is yours man?
“Free gift”
Oh yeah? Then what’s a paid gift?
“So what are your future plans?”
I don’t know about those but I can
tell you my past plans.
“… with the end result that…”
Do results come at the beginning too?
Plural Problems:
She’s a VJTI Alumni
While it is true that Indians refer
to elders in plural out of respect, this really does sound wrong. "She is
a VJTI alumnus" or “She are a VJTI alumni” might be better here.
“I just need one more data to finish my thesis”
Data is the plural for datum. You
need one more datum for it. Yes, I’m a grammar nazi.
Inventing new words:
“Nothanks”
Next time you say it, make an effort
to mean the “thanks” part or don’t say it at all.
“Wassup”
The ceiling. That's what is 'up'.
The wrong unit of measurement…
“I'm on a 500 calorie diet"
The calorie is actually a very
miniscule unit of energy. Energy from food is measured in kilocalories (yes,
even celery sticks). So these people are on a 500 kilocalorie (kcal) diet.
Now imagine if someone told them that
they are actually eating a thousand times more than they think they are.
“Zero degree Kelvin”
Please say just "kelvin"
(lower case k when written in full and abbreviated as upper case K) and not
"degree Kelvin". That’s not me and my OCD… That’s the way the
scientists who defined the SI system decided it should be.
Over-loaded abbreviations:
AC Current
What's the full form of AC?
Alternating Current, right? Then what is "AC current"? Worse still -
what exactly is "AC voltage"? :O
Similar ones: ATM Machine, PIN Number
Superlative trouble:
“One of the best places to eat…”
The best can only be one. If there
are many best ones, none of them are REALLY the best. (By the way, I’d vote for
the dining car aboard the Deccan Queen for top position).
.
.
.
And finally, best of all…
“It was –literally- raining cats and dogs!”
Literally? How many did you catch?
3 comments:
- 12 midnight, not 12 noon.
- Degree kelvin grates on my ears too!
- 'Best' refers to a quality standard which more than one person,place, etc. can possess. (So one of the best hotels is fine, but one of the best 5 star hotels is meaningless.)How about 'the best few'? The verb 'best' simply means to prove to be better than another. It is not exclusive until you qualify it so.
Besides the ones you pointed out, what has become the most common bane of English language is the use of "your" in place of "you're". Every time someone does that I feel as if an electric saw is being used inside my head! To add to it, the latest fade now is to use 'There' to refer to "they're". Too much!
And then there are the abbreviations:
- LOLmax: Is this supposed to be a very funny joke? So if I hear a less funny joke should I use LOLmin?
- LOLzzz: I guess this is to imply the joke was boring and induced sleep
- ZOMG!: I understand Oh My God but what is the Z supposed to mean? Zebra Oh My God? Zimbabwe Oh My God?
@Misty: The 'best few' is the same story na. see, that's why it is a peeve. the word 'best' has lost its exclusivity.
If something is "better than an other" then the verb also would be "better" and not "best". If it "bettered" a lot of others (either simultaneously or in a knock-out), then the verb would be "best".
@The Wanderer: I KNEW you'd point it out, so I left it out of the post!
'Anything'-max is actually IITB lingo that has trickled out to other engineering students.
zzzzz
ZOMG (for me at least) is "Zarquon! Oh My God!" Hithchhiker's Guide reference. (Very correctly, it would be OMZ, but that would be just too weird for everyone involved)
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